My husband and I were thrilled to get a BFP at the end of June. If all goes well, we will be welcoming the fourth and final member of our little clan into the world in March 2014. I am overwhelmed with gratitude – as well as a bit of shock that it happened so fast. As the hormones kick in, however, I’m experiencing some emotions that either aren’t entirely rationale. These are my confessions:
I Envy Morning Sickness – Crazy right? At work, I sit close to two pregnant women, both who had to take time of work due to extreme morning sickness. One was even hospitalized. I’ve had morning sickness before, and I understand that anyone currently experiencing will deem me insane, but I can’t deny envying them just a tad . Morning sickness is strong confirmation that you’re still pregnant and your HCG levels are rising in tune with a viable pregnancy. Sitting here today – without nausea, without a bump, without even a doctor’s appointment for a few weeks yet – I feel a bit desperate for some hard evidence that my baby is growing.
I Feel like a Fertility Goddess - Intellectually, I appreciate that my fertility is not variable I control. Getting pregnant comes down to luck, and life has taught me that luck changes on a dime. That said, if I’m being completely honest, there is part of me that is beaming inside to think that I conceived during my first month of trying for both of my pregnancies. I turn 36 later this month and the prognosis for easy conception when your 35+ is rather discouraging. Beating the odds (at least for now) makes me feel like
I’m in Denial - I haven't had a solid nights sleep since my daughter was born, almost 18 months ago. Most of the time, it feels like a miracle to make it to work with pants on. I’m already suffering the wear and tear of burning the candle at both ends, so how will I manage with a newborn in the mix? Simple. My new baby will sleep more, cry less, be less demanding, and nurse less compulsively than my first. Logical, right?
I Need a Sex Break – I know how bad this sounds. It’s a bit like a praying mantis, biting her mate’s head off after she’s collected his coveted sperm. It’s also completely out of character for me because 1) I’m a rather lustful girl by nature and 2) I believe connecting sexually with your partner is crucial to a relationship. Even still, our recent cycle of TTC took its toll on me. Firstly, I got a urinary track infection, which often pop up during bouts of extremely frequent sex. While these nasty infections are bad enough on their own right, I’m also paranoid about taking antibiotics while pregnant. Secondly, I experienced significant burning after sex on a few occasions. It was the kind of pain where you literally look for ways to ‘ice’ your parts because it stings so badly. I realize it was just small tears from enthusiastic baby making, but now that the job is complete, I’m perfectly fine to take a little break until my body heals up.
I’m More in Love with my Husband – Lest you get the wrong impression from my last confession, all this baby-making has amped up my lovey-dovey side. The thought of growing and raising our little family is just amazing to me. It’s wonderful to think that I’ve found the person I’m going to build my family legacy with. I’m optimistically hopeful about our future....and I feel very blessed.
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