Surprise Sadness - Only 3.5 Months of Pregnancy Left

An interesting side effect of becoming a parent is how it fundamentally changes your personality. Before Lexia was born, I always saw myself as a “two-kids-at-the-very-most”, kind of a woman.

I didn’t want to be the kind of woman who was mostly a “mom” with a career and personal identity that came secondary. I didn’t want to live in a messy house, overtaken by toddler chaos, finding myself running out the door with no makeup and dirty sweatpants. I didn’t want to sacrifice financial comfort and career accomplishments to raise a family.

Then, at the age of 34, I had Lexia ….and the world became a very different place.

Suddenly I realized that there’s no more meaningful activity I could be involved with than raising a healthy and well-adjusted child.

The extortionately common practice of bringing a child into the world now seems like an everyday miracle to me.  How magical that two lovers can decide to bring another human into this world. How astounding that I can play such a profound role in creating and nurturing life.

As much as I eagerly await the birth of my second child, a small part of me is already mourning the fact that this one is my last.

Assuming all goes well with this pregnancy, this will be the last time I ever carry a child inside my body. Never again will I experience being 5+ months pregnant. With every week of pregnancy that passes, another enchanted chapter in my life comes to a close.

Despite myself, and in contrast to many of my own ideas about the ideal family, I have floated the possibility of a third child with my husband and I’m quite certain his resolve to stop at two is deep-rooted and unwavering.

His argument is that two children affords us all of the benefits of parenting – and a sibling relationship for our kids – with more time and resources to create a great life for us all.

Intellectually, I agree with him. Emotionally, it’s bittersweet. 

Pregnancy and parenthood has been such a blessing, that I am surprisingly saddened to realize that  I only have three and half months of pregnancy left in this lifetime. 

Here's to making the most of it!