10 Ways Having a Baby Will Change You - Part 2

Your new baby may look tiny, but
her influence on your psyche
is massive!

Every new mom-to-be knows that parenthood changes everything, but in what specific ways will it actually change you? 

In my last post, I shared five ways that motherhood is likely to change your perspective on your body and outer life. Below are five ways having a baby is likely to change your inner psychological and spiritual life ....FOREVER! 

1) Extreme empathy: Empathy is a great quality. When combined with post-partum hormones and emotions, however, it can be crippling. 

During the first 18 months of my daughter's life, North America faced a number of tragic events highlighting the dark side of humanity - events in which perpetrators willfully destroyed or tragically ended the lives of others. In one case, a Phd student took it upon himself to open fire in a movie theatre for no apparent reason, another young boy shot down innocent school children and their teachers, and two brothers bombed completely innocent people.  

While there's another terrifying tail to be heard on the news every day, the Aurora Theatre shooting, Newton Connecticut massacre and Boston Marathon bombings will haunt me forever.  As I write this, I am overwhelmed thinking about a few families in particular whose losses go beyond what any human should have to face in a lifetime.  The emotional overload of knowing that their suffering came willfully at the hands of someone who didn't event know them is often too much to bear. 




To this day I cannot watch the news without depressed. I find it very difficult to accept that so many people wish to bring harm on others. 

There is a thin silver lining to this heartache though. I believe strongly that parenting is the single most important factor in shaping the psychological health and moral fibre of an individual. I don't blame parents for the crimes of their children - I simply believe that of all the interrelated factors that define your moral foundation, your childhood home life is the most important. 

I'm not suggesting that great parenting can overcome biologically-grounded psychological disorders or eradicate the influence of other environmental factors. Nor, to be clear, am I drawing a link between parenting and the extremely unique acts of horrors listed above.  I am simply saying that, as a rule, abuse begets abuse - and love begets love. 

I take a lot of solace in knowing that meeting my daughter's emotional needs, teaching her kindness and modelling ethical behaviour is likely to have an influence that carries forward for many generations.  In short, investing in your children is an investment in the moral evolution of humankind. 

2) Priorities change: You've heard this before, and I'm here to confirm it. It's extremely likely that your new baby will change your ideas about what's important and how you wish to live your life. 

I've worked very hard to build a successful career. I paid for my five years of university myself and am still paying back big bucks on those student loans six years later. I have a Masters Degree in ...(wait for it) ...journalism, and once hoped for a high demand career in the spotlight. 

My change in focus from reporting to communications came well before baby, but I still believed my career was the defining element to my identity.  Today, I'm much more interested in a position that characterizes an ideal work-life balance rather than a job that characterizes me. If I found the right position, I would switch to part-time work in a heartbeat, because spending time with Lexi is the most important thing I could be doing. 

Further, my dream job today is one where I can use my skills to help others or make the world a slightly better place, rather than build a profile for myself.  

3) Fear: This post-partum change was the biggest surprise and perhaps the hardest to deal with. It's directly connected to #1 in that it involves an enhanced awareness and connection to the pain and suffering of others.  

You could almost describe this life-change as the polar opposite of the sense of immortality we tend to experience as teenagers. Rather than feel "that's not going to happen to me", you may experience and increase in feelings of vulnerability, i.e. "that could happen to me".

The only solution to this challenging emotion is to make informed decisions, invest in your family's health and make the most of every day you have. Should an act of nature, evil or health change my life forever (and let's face it, one day it will, though hopefully not for many decades), I will take comfort in knowing I experienced my share of joy. 

4) Gratitude: In many ways, this is an extension of empathy and fear.  As soon as one becomes attuned to the suffering of others, and the dangers of living in this world, it becomes very clear to most of us just how good we have it.  

Past hurts and injustices may lose significance in your psyche. Things that once left you in a state of  anxiety (will my partner ever cheat? do I have cellulite?) may stop seeming very important in the grand scheme of your life experience. If my baby is healthy and I get to spend many happy years with her, than life has been good to me. Everything else....a good job, a nice house, a loving partner....is a wonderful bonus. 

Not a day goes by that I don't thank the universe for my little girl and my healthy family. I feel very rich. 

5) Simple pleasures: Years ago, I relied on big changes and adventures to keep me excited about life.  I needed to be planning a vacation, working towards a degree, getting ready to move or applying for a new job to fuel my enthusiasm. 

Today, there is nothing better than falling asleep with my little girl. Going on a bike ride together makes my day. Long walks with Lexi are heaven. Watching her play at the neighbourhood splash pad, singing a song together, and introducing her to new experiences, fill life with meaning.